Hey guys, remember in my writing meme how I said I'd never write a western?
LOL GUESS WHAT.
"THE COWBOY WHO KISSED A BARMAID, AND GOT IN A SHITLOAD OF TROUBLE"
a western by Audrey Hawkes
MY NAME IS Cowboy Bill. I ride the desert land on my palomino named Giddyup. Her name causes some confusion, because whenever I call out t' her she starts a'running off.
One day I was riding Giddyup into a small town. The locals were all gatherin' in the saloon, and, being a cowboy and all, I joined 'em for a good mug of whiskey and a dollop of local gossip.
The talk of the town was all about a so-called Bad Cowboy Bob, who was riding through towns and robbing banks, shooting sheriffs, and causing all other types a' mischief. I tipped back my hat and said in a deep cowboy voice, "I can take care of him for y'all."
The group of folks went mad with applause, but the barmaid Rosie-Ann looked downright unhappy about it. I moseyed my way over to her and said, "Hey darlin', what's the matter with ya? Why the long face, cowpoke?"
She sighed sadly and stared into the distance. "I just hate t' see such good young men lose their lives to the rascally devil Bad Cowboy Bob." Tears filled her eyes and she said to me, "Y'all will be careful, won't ya?"
I smiled at her and leaned in close. "Fer you darlin', I'll be invincible."
Then I kissed her straight on th' lips.
Just then, Bad Cowboy Bob burst into the saloon. He took one look at me an' Rosie-Ann, and let out a roar of rage. He fired three shots at the saloon ceilin' and yelled, "Get away from my wife, ya damn snakebelly!"
There you go, I wrote a western. Shall I continue this tale of adventure and shootouts? Or shall I leave it to rot in a miserable corner of cyberspace?